Spring break is over, now for the back-to-school bends... with yet another Top Nine

Here in small-town, Mid-western, everything-slathered-in-cheese-and-on-a-stick Minnesota, spring break has sadly come to an end. Now for the sad return to schooling.

Now that I am back, I guess I better start blogging too.

I've been reading up on all the science blogs and recently saw Hypocritical gomers of Oklahoma, unite! Reading about the cat fight that is Darwinism vs. creationism, I decided I might as well join in the debate about disbelief of all things scientific and religious with Top Nine Things I Don't Believe* (and a brief explanation why):

9) Global warming. (Yeah, things are getting warmer, but maybe it's just the warmth you feel after a good long hug from God.)

8) The world was created in six days. (If God was all powerful, He must have been pretty lazy that week when he made Earth; maybe He was tired after trying and trying to get Jupiter right but simply couldn't get rid of all the spots.)

7) Bill Gates is a good person. (A man that rich has to be corrupt. He probably just paid Times Magazine to make him and his wife the people of the year, and threw in a few PCs so that Bono was on the cover to boot.)

6) Gravity is real. (There is a reason why they call it a 'theory', and that is that it is a load of crap.)

5) The number 10. (The reason is obvious, isn't it?)

4) "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" could be, in any possible way, good. (Jackman growling like a small weasel [actually, according to wikipedia, it 'is the largest land-dwelling species of the ... weasel family, though that won't stop me from defaming them] is enough to get me to shy away from theaters until producers get smart enough make a sequel to African Queen with Bogart and Hepburn clones.)

3) Lee Harvey Oswald ever existed. (Oswald is really just a corporate creation made of wax and vodka as a ploy to get ticket sales for all the movies made about the assassination.)

2) The Big Bang. (All those years of watching blockbuster movies and then seeing that real cop chases are boring and actual space battles don't have fancy special effects has made me cynical about anything involving huge explosions.)

1) The existence of Elves. (I know that all the people of Iceland are going to be pissed, but I am going to take a stand and say that Elves aren't real [what Icelanders think are Elves are actually Dwarfs].)

* This is an official disclaimer that I, Alden Kascak-Harth, am in no way responsible for any of the opinions expressed here (except for the funny ones).